I can't believe that it has been TEN years since my mom died. I miss her. A LOT. Every single day. If you knew her--- you were lucky. If you didn't--well, I feel sorry for you. She was amazing. I wrote the following words almost exactly ten years ago. I read them at her funeral. I was lucky to have had such an amazing mom. REALLY lucky.
At my brother in-law, Willie's, surprise 30th birthday party...March 1995
At my graduation from Illinois Wesleyan-- May 1990 When I was young, I used to tell my mom that I wanted to die before her. I know, morbid for a little kid... but I couldn't imagine my life without her. The thought of losing her was unimaginable.
Three of our guardian angels...
My Grandpa Burke, my sister, Patty, and my mom.
6-27-81
Three of our guardian angels...
My Grandpa Burke, my sister, Patty, and my mom.
6-27-81 
My mom lost her dad and her oldest child in 1991. My grandpa died on 6/5/91 and my sister on 7/13/91. We were all in Arizona to be with Patty as she fell into a coma and my mom had to leave to go to California to say goodbye to her dying father. She was only 54 and had already buried both parents, three siblings, a grandchild and a child. How does someone deal with so much grief? I know her heart was broken...but she never let it define her. She continued to find joy in the people in her life. She continued to be there for US. As I said before, she was amazing.
The last three pictures taken of her...Jessica was crying because my mom wasn't feeling well and wouldn't go to the hospital. She was worried, we all were... but if you knew my mom-- there was no way any of us were going to convince her to go, especially not on Christmas Eve.
I took her to the hospital for a stress test on the 27th. They wanted to keep her to do a procedure the next day... but she refused and said she would just come in early in the morning on the 28th. We went out to breakfast at Skylite after the appointment and she had the skirt steak and eggs (probably not the best choice for someone with a bad heart). I remember having an amazing visit and not wanting it to end. She was tired though. When I went to pick her up in the morning she wasn't up yet, which was very unusual for her. She barely slept and when she did she was always up early. I remember saying, "Come on, mom. Let's get rolling.", as I was walking down the hallway. She didn't respond. I knew something was wrong. I walked over to her and touched her shoulder. She didn't move. I called downstairs for Susie and then I called the ambulance while Susie and John performed CPR until the paramedics got there. They continued working on her at the hospital... but I think I knew in my heart that we had already lost her. It really did feel like a nightmare... sometimes it still does.
Not having a mom sucks... no matter your age :- (
2 comments:
I've been thinking of Mom all day today. Actually, every day she's in my thoughts. Sometimes, I can feel her presence. It's usually when I'm feeling sorry for myself or faced with a difficult situation. I can hear her saying, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and do something to change it!"
Thanks for sharing the message that you read ten years ago. I was able to share it with Kevin and Kacie, who were in my tummy on that horrible December day. Mackenzie was too young to understand what was going on, and Megan, Willie, and Amanda, although they got to spend time with their Grandmother, didn't realize how amazing of a woman she was. This letter helps. It helps to keep her memory alive, as does the beautiful book you gave us. I catch Kacie looking at it often. Thank you Barb for the gifts you give us.
When I talk to mom in my prayers, I often tell her what an incredible mother you are, and what an amazing son you have. I know she's looking down on us, all of us. And I know she's proud.
I am so sorry abount your mom. I know that she was great cause she was related to you! I love you
Love,
Maria
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